I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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