There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
