Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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