i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
this hospital has no fireball
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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