There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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