Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
