ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Randomize
