This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
