Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
