margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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