Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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