I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
