WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
