I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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