I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
