You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
