ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
