I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
