imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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