On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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