then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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