Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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