Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize