i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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