jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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