First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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