is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
