where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
