yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
