im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
