Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
So many bounce houses so little time
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
