Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
