Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
