Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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