I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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