my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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