I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
