just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
