I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I smell like Dick and happiness
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
