Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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