So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
