I'm going to jail i love you
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
