i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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