idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
