this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
