If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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