Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
