Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
