I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
