so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
