Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
