if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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