she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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