you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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