He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
