i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
