so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize