Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We're too hungover to prance.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
