I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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