keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
