Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
