Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
