Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
