Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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