i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
