I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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