I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
