after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
