dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
