so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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