sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
