It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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