hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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