Reggie can tackle my bush.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
