Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
