my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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