just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
