I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize