He had one of those small greek statue penises
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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