Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
