I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
