i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
