So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
