i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You may now shotgun with the bride
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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