I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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