We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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