let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
