Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(936): View more from Texas

Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.

(1-936): View more from Texas

Can I eat your pillow?

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(513): View more from Ohio

you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.

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(618): View more from Illinois

Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.

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(917): View more from New York City

I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER

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(509): View more from Washington

This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?

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(925): View more from California

I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??

(510): View more from California

I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5

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