They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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