I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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