After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
